Everybody’s talking at meFred Neil
I don’t hear a word they’re saying
Only the echoes of my mind
‘Everybody’s Talking’ is popular song made famous in the evocative film “Midnight Cowboy”. This tune has always stuck with me. It has started playing in my mind on occasions when I have felt ‘talked at’ for too long with little opportunity or the confidence to express myself. Finding my own authentic voice and confidence has been an important journey for me. So this topic is something that I am passionate about!
If you recognise the feeling of being ‘talked at’, I wonder if anything in this post resonates with you? What happens with you when you are talked at ? What happens with you when you talk? Is there something you would like to change?
What happens with you when you are talked at?
I wonder does it sometimes feel like everybody knows better than you do? They tell you what you should be doing, what you should be aspiring to do, what the right thing is?
And maybe you listen to them, because they could be an important figure in your life, or they seem to know what they are doing, better than you do yourself? They must be right, right? Because they just talk so well, they look so confident; perhaps you wish you could be like them.
Add social media and TV into the mix, we become bombarded with messages which can become distracting or overwhelming. When do we get the chance to really listen to ourselves instead of absorbing everything that is thrown at us?
Maybe sometimes you have to turn down the volume in your ears and go into yourself with your thoughts and day dreams to escape from someone else’s monologue. Or perhaps you zone out completely, and nobody seems to even notice or care.
What happens with you when you talk ?
Perhaps when you try to talk about your stuff, it doesn’t feel like anyone is listening. Or maybe it’s hard to find your own original voice – that actually you feel you haven’t got a lot to say that is of interest to others. Maybe you’ve learned to be a good listener and smile. When you talk perhaps you feel vulnerable. People might find fault with what you say and therefore you might risk rejection or ridicule if you say the wrong thing.
Maybe the words come out awkwardly. It just feels too risky to chance feeling shame or being judged. Maybe you get angry that you feel tongue-tied or that you don’t feel heard, but you push the anger down inside and you are stuck, without a voice. Perhaps you can’t trust yourself not to explode with anger once the flood gates are released if you were to speak.
Therefore, it could be safer just to keep silent. Maybe it’s just easier to avoid human interactions sometimes?
Change is possible
If we are; overshadowed by the opinions of others, confused about who we are, making choices which are not really our own, desensitised, turned inward, frustrated by our silence or lack of courage, feeling unheard and invisible, struggling to hold or process our emotions, feeling depressed… making positive change is possible.
It might start with awareness that something is not right, although sometimes we have to reach a stage of ‘enough is enough’ to motivate us, or catch a glimpse of what a better future might look like. We may come to the conclusion that we want something more out of life, something better, and we don’t have to settle for less any longer. We’re ready to take the first step towards change.
The singer’s solution in the song “Everybody’s talking” is to escape from the people who irk him. He makes the choice to move to a wilder, freer space where he can reconnect with the simple wonder of the natural world. Great idea ! Grounding ourselves in a beautiful environment can feel refreshing and gives us a chance to start to tune into the present moment and be with ourselves.
But in the real world sometimes we have to learn to work within our current situation. Another option to facilitate change to improve our wellbeing is to seek counselling.
How counselling can help
Counselling is a safe space which can help you to find your voice. You can examine what is going on in your relationship with yourself and your relationship with others. Without the fear of judgement. It’s a chance to explore what’s holding you back; from expressing yourself, from listening to yourself or making your own choices. You’ll have the safety to try doing things differently without the same risks as in real life, which is helpful because trying new ways of doing things can become the first tentative steps to positive change.
Counselling is a chance to find a peaceful place to reconnect with your own wisdom. As a counsellor I want to hear what you have to say and to understand your experiences and your fears. The process of being in a compassionate therapeutic relationship offers you the chance to transform how you feel about yourself, and therefore, how you can make new choices. Choices like how you take care of yourself and how you can chose to relate to others. This can lead to feeling more in control of your own destiny and experiencing more satisfaction in living. Or simply feeling more comfortable with who you are.
Taking the first steps
It can take some courage to seek counselling. My aim is to attentively support you through the first steps of the process. This starts with a free half hour consultation to see if we are right to work together. Counselling is about helping you become more fully the person you are meant to be.